Mmm Chocolate Ice Cream
All these articles I am reading, which go at great length to talk about ideology in other people’s writing, none the less keep referring to men who “submit themselves to penetration.”
???
To me that’s like saying one must “submit himself to eating chocolate ice cream.”
Yes please!
(I should probably save all this academic stuff for one post… maybe I’ll do a wrap up later.)
Academic Distraction
I’m doing reading for a paper about homosexuality in ancient Greece and Rome. It is difficult to retain any sense of composure and attention when reading an entire chapter about “penetrated men.”
Ahem.
Splitting Hairs
No, this post is not about my shaving fetish.
It occurs to me that I like the phrase “having submissive feelings” then “being submissive.” Saying “I am submissive” binds me, so to speak, to a specific set of ideas which exist in my mind and which are assumed by others. As soon as I decide (and I know this from experience) “I am submissive,” a host of things happen – I get excited, I think it’s great; soon the excitement wears off; eventually other feelings, other of just being vanilla or of being Dominant, start to creep in. So as soon as I decide “I am something,” those feelings start to morph and shift and become something else. “I am a pianist” morphs and shifts to “I am a guitarist.” “I am a jazz musician” morphs and shifts into “I am a rock musician.” Usually as soon as I draw a line in the sand I start to change and grow.
It’s easier for me to think I “have submissive feelings” and to notice this is a recurring pattern to which I usually return. My identity never seems solid enough to say “I am submissive.” However, if I acknowledge I have submissive feelings some or even a lot of the time, it’s easier to watch them arise and watch them go away. In a way it is like being happy or being sad. Surely many of us could say “I am a happy person” or “I am a sad person” speaking in generalities, but most people are neither one or the other all the time. So for me to say “I am submissive” seems to limit my self-concept, and as soon as those feelings change or shift I feel conflicted.
Using the phrase “I feel submissive” opens me up. It allows me to feel the feelings of submission without attaching my self-identity or self-worth to them. It’s okay to embrace the feelings of submission when they arise, and it’s okay when they go away. The shifting sands of self and sexuality are much more negotiable when I allow my self concept a wider field. I can acknowledge that yes, I have a pattern of feeling submissive, feelings to which I most often return and which are usually stronger than feelings of dominance or being vanilla. By letting things come and go I give myself the opportunity to live more authentically.
Sirport
A friend’s typo in a TXT today:
“Will call from sirport.”
Of course she meant airport. But I’d like to know more about this place, the Sirport…
Oh The Passivity
I find highly amusing the assumption in academic writing about ancient homosex that “anally receptive” = “passive.”
Anyone who thinks that bottoms are passive has not met my ex-boyfriend Stephen.
2 May 2011 | Categories: Running Commentary, Words | Leave A Comment »