Folsom Street Spirituality
Yesterday I went to Folsom Street Fair. I have to admit it really wasn’t what I was expecting, but then again I don’t know what I expected.
It was a hot, hot day (I wore a tank top, studded leather belt, dark jeans and black chucks), and there were lots and lots of people there. I got there early enough to walk around and see some of the booths before it got super busy. I perused the leather stuff on sale and cruised the few guys who I thought were super hot. Eventually I met up with some friends, it got busier, we danced some, and I decided I’d had enough of the crowds and left a little after 3:30. I went to Mr. S to get a few fun things, then got back on the BART and back home. All in all, a random day at a street fair.
The important part of the day came in two parts. First, a friend I was there with, said that he had a problem with watching one of the floggings. He said that it didn’t seem intimate, or feel spiritual, because it was so on display and that random people were taking pictures of it happening. For whatever reason, his equating a flogging with spirituality got to me. Other folks have made that connection before, but not in a way that I was ready to hear. When we went to Mr. S we talked a bit about relationships and shared some things we hadn’t shared before. It felt really good, like I could open up to him and trust him in a way I really haven’t been able to trust other people before.
After I got home I had a Skype chat with the person I’ve been seeing this summer. We haven’t talked about kink at all, and are having conversations about if we’re going to continue (or, rather, start) a long distance relationship. We’re both on the edge about it. I really really like him, but am not sure that a long distance relationship is a good idea having just moved to the Bay to start a new phase of my life. He’s equally unsure. I think that it may be the right time for me to really explore kink, and don’t know if I can do that with him, or by myself in a long distance thing with him in an open relationship sort of way.
So today I woke up and was thoroughly exhausted, both emotionally and physically. But one thing I’ve been thinking about all day that this is the time in my life to really explore kink, to really explore that side of me. I think the fates are finally allowing me to do that, and that even though it will be hard to give up what I have going with my guy, it’s the right thing to do.
The thing that seems to make this okay for me is that I really, really want to explore the intimate and spiritual side of kink and BDSM. It occurred to me that extended bondage could really be about meditation, and that the respect and reverence of a master (or sub) could be about the respect and reverence of the divine in that person. I am sure there are a large number of other intimate and spiritual connections I can make while exploring the kink realm, stuff that isn’t expressed at all in porn or erotica. It seems to me I’m hard-wired to think about sex in a kink way, and it would be healthy and helpful to think about it in a spiritual, healthy, growth related way as well. That means, of course, finding a community who think the same way. I may or may not be able to find that in the Bay, but I stand a much better chance here than other places I’ve lived.
At Mr. S I bought a hood with a mouth opening, and also a ball gag (finally!). Even though I’ve been identifying as Dom lately, I’m going to put myself in some sort of bondage for a while tonight (handcuffs, ankle shackles, hood, and gag) and just let myself sit and be. I don’t want it to be about being horny (although that surely will be part of it), but I just want it to be about sitting, about feeling the restraint, about feeling the isolation – and being with that. No matter which side of the coin I play in any relationship, it’ll be good to have that experience.
S/M and Ritual
I’ve been thinking lately how astoundingly beautiful we are as creatures; we are magic. We are this amazing amalgam of matter and electricity and whatever this thing is called consciousness. We can touch each other, and be felt, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We are the original claymation.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about rituals lately, and how awesome it would be to include ritual practice into S/M relationships. I know this isn’t a unique thought in any way, but it is the first time this has occurred to me. I am a fairly spiritual / religious person, and I was thinking about what some sort of S/M ritual would look like. I don’t have time to right now, but at some point I’d like to work out a S/M ritual for the shaving of the body. I have a few ideas in my head that I want to let germinate a bit before I write anything.
I think, aside from the many reasons this came into my head, one is that I desire meaning in my relationships. I want a real relationship with real meaning, meaning that is just the same in vanilla relationships. So why not have our own rituals to go along with our own relationships? What other rituals could we create?
