Pajamas and Bondage
I’m sure it’ll come as no surprise that one of my favorite kink-themed sites is malesubmissionart.com. Thoughtfully chosen sexy pictures with awesome commentary means you can’t go wrong.
Today’s picture is one I’ve been familiar with for many years. The first time I saw it, when I was a teenager, I felt it (along with the rest of the accompanying shoot) was the most perfect representation of how I felt inside and what kind of relationship I wanted. It made me feel like I wasn’t alone, and that what I wanted was not bizarre or strange or sick. It made me think maybe I could be tied up and have yummy kisses from a cute boy. It also made me wish I was a blond. =)
http://malesubmissionart.com/post/233741302/two-men-in-pajamas-kiss-in-front-of-a-bed-one-of
If it isn’t already, Male Submission Art should totally be in your RSS feed.
Pr0no for Hom0z
I think the best comment I ever heard about porn is ‘it is what it is.’ So true. Its dangerous to try to make of it something more than it is, and yet at the same time that is so very easily done.
I only ever really talk to my gay friends about porn. The topic just doesn’t come up in either sexuality-mixed or gender-mixed company. Gay guys are major (major) consumers of porn, and I think it is fairly clear straight guys are also major consumers of porn. I wonder how much straight men talk about porn amongst themselves. Is it taboo, or you can be like ‘dude I was totally visiting this great site last night while my girlfriend was out buying a pregnancy test.’ I have no idea. I was over at a friend’s house yesterday and he brought out a bag full of porno DVDs which he was returning to a friend, and he casually took it out and showed me the contents. There was a point in my life when I wouldn’t have been comfortable with that; either I’m desensitized to porn, used to it as a discussion topic, or both. My point is simply that its a common, easily broached conversation to be had amongst the circle of gay men in which I run.
What isn’t so much a common topic of conversation is what exactly that porn does for us, and what that porn does to our psyches both individually and collectively. I’m fairly certain with most of my friends that conversation would be ‘yeah, its hot, I get off to it, what’s the big deal?’ A few friends might take that a bit farther, might be willing to have a conversation about what makes (gay) men want to watch porn. But what I’m really interested in is how it makes us feel about ourselves, solo and ensemble.
What, exactly, does porno make us feel? Obviously the first answer to this question is ‘horny’ or ‘aroused’ or anything along these lines. Simply put, we watch porn as a substitute for having sex. We pop in a DVD, we do our thing, and then we take a nap (or have a smoke, or knit, or whatever). That’s cool. But what of the other things that go along with sex which are lost in watching a porno? Porn, by definition, is a one-way street. The actor/models on the screen or page don’t look at us and tell us in very breathy voices how hot we are, or to move your ass six inches to the right, or would you please call me ‘Sir.’ It all happens on the screen, and while we are doing something with ourselves, we are pretty much passive observers.
The big thing for me is there is also no emotional exchange. I may be feeling super hot for a guy in a porno, but these images are anywhere from 6 weeks to 6 years old, and the guy I am so totally into has no idea that I exist. I had enough of that at middle school dances – why do I put myself through that while watching porno? And what about all the emotional energy I put into lusting after that guy? Where does it go? And what does it mean that I don’t get anything back from that? Does that affect how I feel about myself, my body, my life?
And what about the effect it has on our collective selves, on our community? As a culture we are so focused on beauty, and the gay sub-culture is no exception. We are *obsessed* with pretty, we are *obsessed* with beautiful. Is this like grade inflation at ivy league schools? Are we getting to the point where we’ll only sleep with someone if he’s hot enough to appear in a magazine, on the big screen, or in a porno? If so, what does that do to our chances at having relationships? In a society which places so much emphasis on physical beauty, what does focusing so much sexual energy on a series of frozen images do for us?
This all begs the question, then, what’s the difference between masturbation with and without porn? Either way it is solo sex, and in theory you’re watching some thing happen in your head instead of on the TV screen. But I think there is a major difference. The big difference here is that when you use your imagination you control the action. In your mind’s eye you can change the events, you can make someone move his ass six inches to the left, you can call him ‘boy’ if you want. You can also focus on the apple of your eye, the local object of your desires, a real person you know in the flesh and may actually get to know in the flesh as well. Masturbation then is an interactive process and is not limited to the boy on the screen.
I’m thinking about all of this because of my session last weekend, and also a new porn website subscription I bought this week. I am reminded that, when I go for long dry spells without sexing of the real life nature, I often start feeling bad about myself. I start to have a lower body image, and I start to have doubts about my attractiveness. And I have a hunch that watching porn has something to do with that. Already my memories and images of last weekend are beginning to fade, to be replaced by the images from the videos on the site to which I subscribed. And all the good feelings, all the interactive feelings, all the things that made the weekend so amazing – they are replaced by this dull sense of ‘huh… I guess that’s hot.’ And while I understand I can’t get tied up every weekend, at the same time I want to hold on as long as I possibly can to that sense of connection I felt. I think that porn dulls the edges of that experience.
Porn is also very addicting. I see that I still have one hour left to download the video I picked for tonight. But that is another topic for another time.
