Week 3 – Energy

A short post tonight… many pages left to read before I may worship with St. Pillow.

At the end of week 3, I’m faced with a few questions and observations:

- What do I do with all this energy?
- Two weeks ago I’d have described this energy as ‘sexual,’ but I’m not sure that I can continue to do that.
- When the energy is released it is a mixture of pleasure and emptiness. Yes, it feels great in the moment. But what felt like release now feels like emptiness.
- What is the best way to allow this energy to build up but not “provoke” it? By “provoke” I mean give it an explicitly sexual twist, either by looking at pr0n or else thinking about sex?
- In noticing this energy I also notice other energy I expend without thinking about it – pacing while I read, the endless leg-bobbing which runs in my family, tapping the table all the time as if I’m playing piano. It reminds me of Buddhist monastics who, only eating one meal a day, have to be very careful about how they regulate their expenditures of energy.
- I am very curious and want to do some research on Buddhist and Christian celibacy, not from a moral “sex is bad” perspective, but just constructive ways to engage the spirit of the exercise and work with the energy.

What started out as mostly an experiment in sexual self-control, with the idea I’m preparing myself for some favor of D/s chastity, is quickly working itself into a very interesting experiment in spirituality. The older I get the more the line between the two seems to blur.

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Oooh! When I published this post it advised me that it is my 100th post! Wahoo! Break out the Miller High Life!